A Different Kind of Sick
by PunnyArts
Summary: Soldier had managed to make Merasmus angry... again. So now all of the RED Team's Merc's have come down with something strange. At first it just appeared to be your average everyday flu. But something else is happening to them. And it doesn't seem like the Mercs are going to be getting better... infact, it seems like they're getting worse
1. Prologue

A lady in a purple work uniform was holding onto a clipboard with several pieces of paper attached to it, a black pen was tucked in behind her ear as she walked into a Red colored base, her name was Miss. Pauling. An important and valued employe at Man. Co. One of their greatest assassin's and the lady they always call when they need something done. Today was her one day off work, so she decided to spend it with her boyfriend in RED's Base, since they don't spend much time together with her tight schedule she thought a surprise visit might be nice. So she walked to the door and knocked…

A man with a Red Ski Mask and House Robe opened the door, this man was Spy, a French speaking immigrant and one of France's best agents. Spy had a tired look, but he became a bit surprised to see Miss. Pauling here on her day off. "Oh Miss. Pauling, what are you doing here? I thought you'd be gone somewhere else? Like the beach or a restaurant." His voice was like a desert, it sounded like he might be a bit sick.

The young lady cleared her throat "Well, I just thought I'd stop by for a visit, mostly to spend time with Scout but it won't hurt to spend some time with everybody else…"

Spy sighed a bit "I suppose you may come in, but I'm afraid everybody, including myself, have come down with something and we hope it isn't contagious… But we've been given two weeks off to try and get better."

"You're all sick? How is that possible? I'd expect one third of the team sick but not everybody."

"It's a strange coincidence. Yes. Everybody is in their rooms bundled up… Except for Pyro, he's burning up so much that we had to put him in a bucket of Ice… he ended up melting the ice… so now it's just cold water."

The Assassin raised an eyebrow "Spy if you're sick shouldn't you be in bed to?"

"No." The French man shook his head "Somebody needs to keep everybody well fed and living. Even if I'm sick I can't let my co-workers be sick with me. Plus I prefer to be in a chair with a newspaper instead of being cooped up in a large, hot, sweaty bed. Plus it'll be good for me."

The young woman nodded, it seemed off for Spy to care so much, but she can level with him, beds do get sweaty when you've got the flu. Nobody wants to be bedridden, now how fun is it being cooped up inside unable to accomplish anything?

"Scout is in his room, I'll let him know he has a visitor." Spy sighed, no emotion was in his voice. The French man guided Miss. Pauling to the Red baseball player's room and knocked on the door.

"Yeah come on in, the door ain't locked." The voice inside the room was hoarse, dry like a desert. Much like Spy's, minus the French accent and deep voice, it sounded younger and had a Boston accent.

Inside was a bedridden man in a Red T Shirt with the number 1 on it with Maroon colored Pajama shorts, face buried into his pillow. His face looked tired and bored, but his expression changed to wide eyes and a thousand yard smile when he saw his girlfriend "Miss P!"

Scout leapt out of bed, ran to Miss. Pauling and gave her a big hug. "What are you doin' here babe? I thought today was your day- woah! Almost lost my balance there!"

Scout held on to the Assassin for support and slowly hoisted himself up and walked to his bed, then sat down.

"Careful Scout, you don't want to start throwing up with all of your roughhousing do you?" Spy rolled his eyes at Scout

"It's fine." Miss. Pauling held Scout's hand trying not to give the man a reason to at least be a bit concerned. "You go on and check on everybody else. I'll stay in here 'till I'm ready to leave or you kick me out."

Spy sighed and closed the door to give Pauling and Scout some privacy. Miss. Pauling turned towards scout "So…?" She asked "How are you feeling? Spy said everybody was sick, including him."

Scout snickered "Tired as hell. My neck and sides hurt a lot, I'm super thirsty, my legs don't wanna work and give out sometimes, and I think I might be getting a rash, 'cause like my leg feels super dry and it's super flakey when I scratch it. I swear I saw a fish scale there. Heavy says he's had a home remedy, it tastes good, but it's just a buncha fruit mixed into some weird creamy thing."

Scout definitely showed signs that he was scratching like a mad man, there were patches of red all over his legs, and empty water bottles littered the floor further proving he may be dehydrated, or at least is incredibly thirsty. Plus the bags under his eyes definitely shows.

"I've heard Pyro was burning up…" Miss Pauling began to mess with her jacket, rubbing the end with the zipper a bit anxiously.

Scout nodded "Guy's on fire! Literally, Soldier almost burnt his hand when he laid it on Chucklenuts' shoulder. Like damn. He's probably turned his bucket of water into a hot tub by now!" He then put his hand over his mouth in thought "Ok now that I think about it that doesn't sound half bad."

Pauling chuckled a bit, even when he's sick, Scout still manages to be optimistic and make the best out of everything. Then out of the blue Scout looked a bit green, and bolted it towards the bathroom. Miss. Pauling could have sworn she heard Spy shout "SCOUT GET BACK TO BED!"

Not even a minute later he walked back paler than usual as Spy was escorting him, Scout seemed annoyed while Spy gave him the same look a father would give his child when they did something wrong.

"Scout what did I tell you about roughhousing?" The older man frowned

Scout pouted and crossed his arms "Well excuse me for being sick and needing to barf."

"You had a bucket!"

"Ugh, dear God spy."

"There's more."

"Spy. No. I'm not a baby I can-"

"Scout you're sick!"

"So are you!"

"What if you fell down and hurt yourself?"

"Oh you suddenly care? What happened to the whole 'Scout you're so annoying, why are you such a nuisance?' Crap?"

Spy sighed and crossed his arms, he was clearly done with this conversation, he said nothing more but pointed to the bed and said "Go to bed. Now."

The younger man grunted and sat down next to Miss. Pauling as Spy shut the door and left again.

"You ok?" Miss. Pauling asked.

Scout jolted his head up "Yeah, I'm fine, I just can't keep anything down, literally anything except a Tuna Sandwich Hot Head made for me… really I can only eat anything with fish in it. It's weird, like, who gets sick like this?" Scout chuckled, again and Miss. Pauling agreed.

"Well, I'd best leave you to rest" Miss. Pauling sighed as Scout lid down again "You need it."

"So I can be handsomer than I already am?" Scout then flexed the muscle in his dominant arm, making the young woman giggle

"Sure Scout… sure"

Miss. Pauling gave Scout a kiss on the cheek before she turned off the lights and left. But now she was curious about the remaining 6 Mercs… So she opened the door to Soldiers room.

"Hey Soldier"

No reply. The assassin opened the door to find Soldier hard at work.

"What cha doin' Solly?"

Soldier turned his head "I am sewing my arm back on to my body, as it has fallen off… again."

He sounded so calm about this, he usually did when ever he was playing the role of the maggot. But how can somebody be so calm about their arm falling off!? Jane Doe, Soldier, himself that's who.

"WHAT!? Soldier! You should go get the uber charge from Medic! Or- or at least tell him you need to be-"

"Medic is currently tied up with ropes with a thirst for blood at the moment." Soldier interrupted. "Now I need to sew my arm back on. Goodbye Boss."

Miss. Pauling slowly closed the door and held her forehead, this confused and concerned her greatly, Pyro is literally on fire. Medic is tied up. Scout and Spy seem to have come up with the same flu. And Soldier lost an arm. What's next? A crash in the kitchen, that's what. Damn, who is it this time?!

Miss. Pauling walked towards the kitchen, and spotted spy on the couch, snoring away. It seems like he did come down with something similar to Scout, though he didn't have signs of a rash. Alexa sighed and walked on towards the kitchen and spotted Sniper ripping away at some raw meat, with a bite that seemed humanly impossible, while Engineer was sitting at the table with an ice pack on his forehead, a bit paler than his usual texas completion, he must have a migraine…

Sniper chewed away not noticing Miss. Pauling as she came by, but Engineer sure did. All she did was wave at him. He waved back as he tried not to puke, and made sure sniper wasn't eating his bacon.

"_so… Spy and Scout are at most dehydrated. Pyro has a terrible case of the Flu. Soldier lost a limb. Medic is tied up with a taste for human blood. Sniper is eating a raw steak, and Engineer has a migraine. What's wrong with the other two?" _

Miss. Pauling sighed, she thought it's best if she left for home, no need to get sick like the others. Pauling opened the door and left for her car. The drive to her apartment seemed a bit longer, as thoughts raced through Miss. Pauling's head. What's going on? Surely something's up. How is someone only able to eat fish products and nothing else? How is somebody able to have a craving for blood and need to be tied up for it? How can somebody eat raw meat? How is somebody's body temperature able to go beyond 37°? All of these questions and more kept racing through her head. What could possibly cause all of this…? Surely there's no virus to cause this. Is there? No of course not…

Right?


	2. Monster party (Also Pyro flashback)

Bad Lands library, as quiet as it can get in the small desert town in the Bad Lands. Pauling had never really came in here. Except for a book club, which she quickly dropped out of after her first day at Man. CO. She was going to have a busy scedual anyways and simply had no time for such foolishness.

"_The Library always has answers" _She thought. _"Maybe I'll find what I'm looking for on the computers… It's the best I've got…"_

The young lady opened the doors and looked around, not many people were here today, so this would be a good place to start looking. If the Internet didn't have answers, then sure as hell the books will.

She first sat down at a desk and turned on the new and strange device commonly known as a computer.

As fast as she could she typed in 'What kind of flu would make somebody have a body temperature of over 40°?'

No answer.

Ok, ok, no need to panic, you have other things to search up. Come along now.

'How sick are you if you can only eat tuna sandwiches?'

No answer.

'what's it called when you can eat raw meat without getting sick?'

Still no answer.

Miss. Pauling gave up, the Internet wasn't helping. The internet wasn't helping at all! Damn it! Now she'll have to go through shelf by shelf just to find something to help figure out what's wrong with her friends. She sighed as she closed the Tab and shut off the computer, heading to the shelves. Great, why couldn't the internet actually help for once?

Nothing. Absolutely fucking, nothing. These books were useless! Useless I say! USELESS!

Miss. Pauling sighed as she slammed a book down. Then she heard a very familiar laugh… coming from the doors, thunder began to shake the sky as lightning flashed in the air, the pitterpatter of rain was fiercely tapping on the windows.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! THOSE FOOOOOOOLLLLS!"

Merasmus…

Pauling quickly hid on one of the isles and peeked through some books.

The wizard began to laugh with the joy of an obsessed person getting what they wanted, it felt eerie, almost non human "THOSE IDIOTS DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS COMING! I CAN FEEL IT NOW! They're all stuck in their little base, all of them, CONFUSED OUT OF THEIR MINDS! Little do they know that THEY ARE ALL DOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"Excuse me. Sir? This is a public Library. We'd appreciate it if you kept it down."

Merasmus looked at the lady in shock as he lowered himself to the ground. "Oh yes. Right. I came here to return this." The man put a seamingly heavy book on the counter and left to finish his monologue. Outside.

The lady behind the counter sighed as she put the book aside and stared at her computer, marking it as returned. That book definitely caught Miss. Pauling's eye. She came from out of hiding and walked towards the desk.

The librarian didn't look amused, but when she saw Pauling, she forced a smile and asked "Hi! How can I help you?"

The purple lady sighed as she fixed her glasses "I wanted to see that book Merasmus just returned. The big one on the desk."

The librarian sighed "That's who the weird wizard guy is. Knock yourself out lady."

* * *

The glossary was huge! It was all in tiny print, which was difficult to read, but not impossible! So our favorite Dress wearing killer flipped to the page she was looking for. Curses.

The page showed numerous spells, potions, charms, staffs, how to identify them, and the side effects of spells. Finally she found what she was looking for. Page. 420.

"**Wizard, young or old. If Thoust wishes to curse another. Thine must first be bistowith the act if cruelty. BUT if thoust does not simply have the strength to give a single damn and knows thine shall perish in the underworld. Eh, I do not care. These curses take time before they take effect. Search for thine signs if thine fear thine may be cursed."**

Despite The terrible old language. The curses in here are incredible yet terrifying all at once. She had hit the Jackpot and won the lottery. Then one caught Miss. Pauling's eye 'Aquaticos Scaleiousis' to curse one into a Mermaid.

"**When one is under such curse, the person shall have a never ending thirst for water though shall never be satisfied by drinking it and shall begin to sprout scales on their legs, only able to eat fish. There are two types of curses, both are a 50/50 chance. There is a chance one's legs shall become cold and clammy, if such is the case the person under the curse shall become a creature known as a Cecilia."**

Another was titled "Blooserous Avian" to curse one into a vampire

"**This curse is quite simple, one under Blooserous Avian, experiences an extreme thirst for blood, most notably, human blood, as they will have a undying need for it, and crave for it to touch their toungs. One's ears may become pointed, and their canine teeth sharper, more better for what is to come…"**

The last one on that page was "Pyropia ciggula" to curse one into a Fire Spirit

"**Somebody under this curse shall experience heat like no other, their skin shall appear normal, but their body temperature shall reach over a human's normal body temperature, exceeding over 40° burning anything and anybody who touches them. You may try to cool them down, but just know you will not succeed in removing the curse."**

Miss. Pauling had done it. She had found what she was looking for! Answers! The team was cursed! But what lead Merasmus to do such a thing? Did Soldier tip him the wrong way again? Was he attempting to take over RED and BLU? Was he just bored out of his mind? Somehow the first and third option seemed more likely than the second one, especially the second one. Like that option is so farfetched, there's no way it COULD be possible. Merasmus just wouldn't, too much work. There's only so many curses, potions, and spells one can use.

She ran towards the librarian and set the book down "Ma'me. I'd like to take this book!"

The librarian looked up from her paper and shrugged "Ehhh, go on and keep it. We've got no use for it, we were gonna get rid of it anyways. Literally nobody checks that old thing out. Besides Merasmus but he's only used it once."

The assassins face lit up at this "Do you mean it?"

The lady behind the counter shrugged

"Oh thank you! This means so much to me!" Miss. Pauling smiled

"Yeah what ever. Go on. Take the book. Just be quiet about it."

Miss. Pauling nodded and rushed out the doors and drove to the RED base. Once she got there she rapidly knocked on the door, she heard heavy foot steps coming towards her as she hit the rectangular piece of wood rapidly. Wouldn't you know it? Heavy opened the door!

"Heavy!" Pauling shouted "This is urgent! I need to speak with all of- OH MY GOD!" she fell backwards after she saw was supposedly the Heavy Weapons specialist.

The gigantic man raised an eyebrow… or what would bee an eyebrow if he had them, instead of his regular human skin, it was replaced with stone. Cold hard stone. "Are you alright?"

"H-Heavy! Wha- what happened to you?"

The stone man shrugs "I do not know, everybody in base was sick like I was. But now everybody is not human."

"Ohhhhh crap." Miss Pauling sighed "This isn't good. Listen, I found out the reason you were all sick yesterday! You might not believe me but I believe this is why!" she then held up the gigantic book and showed it to the large man.

"A book?" Heavy asked

"Not the book." Pauling shook her head "What's inside it."

Heavy seemed confused, but let Miss Pauling in.

The Red base looked like it had been through literal hell. The couch was torn up the fridge was wide open, the wallpaper was ripped to shreds, some furniture was burnt, the lockers were hung open, and the hallway door was left on it's hinges, that was where the Merc's rooms were. From the room where Pauling and Heavy stood, they could see that every door was opened. Oh shit.

Then there was a loud boom followed by a voice the Stone Golem and the young assassin knew to well.

Soldier.

"TAVISH STOP BEING A PIECE OF AIR AND LET ME EAT YOUR ORGANS, MAGGOT, THAT'S AN ORDER!"

"NO CAN DO LADDIE, YE CAN'T TOUCH A GHOST! I DUN THINK YE'LL ENJOY ME LIVER! IT'S NOTHIN' BUT PURE ALCHOHOL IN THERE!"

"THE MENTION OF AN ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE JUST MAKES ME WANT YOUR ORGANS EVEN MORE! SERIOUSLY. I'M HUNGRY!"

"KEEP IT DOWN!" Heavy cried "I AM BUSY AND DO NOT WANT TO BE DISTURBED!"

Soldier skidd from around the corner as Demo just flew through the walls.

Soldier's skin looked dead and clammy. His skin was rotting away. Almost a greenish color. Not even his hat could hide that fact. She didn't even want to see his eyes, what if they were all red and puffy and disgusting? Or what if his pupils were all clouded and dead? What if he HAD no eyes at all!?

As for Demo, he was transparent and had a slight white glow to him floating right through the wall. As if it weren't there! He just casually floated right through it.

Miss. Pauling's jaw dropped to the floor, she opened the book and frantically began going through the book, skimming every single page, what curse could this be? Oh screw the book, she'd research more of this later, checking up on everybody was more important at this time. Even if their skin may be rotten and gross and… dead.

Soldier saluted with pride "Good evening boss! I was just busy with this maggot over here because HE would not give me HIS organs! He won't be needing them!"

Demo man grunted "Lad, I'm an organ donor, I kinda need them organs yee wanna eat so much! They're nothin' but clogged arteries and all of me blood is just rum. Besides I'm dead! Go eat some fish guts or a werewolves nose or somethin'."

"Ha! 'Rum Blood'. Sounds delicious"

"Really isn't."

"How do you know?"

"Lad do you know how sharp my sticky bombs are?"

"Demo Man! Soldier! Pauling has something to say!" The Heavy Weapons Specialist shouted and picked the undead Soldier up by the jacket then attempted to pick up the drunk Scottish man, but his hand phased right through him, so he just floated there.

With all the attention directed to the only woman in the room, Miss. Pauling cleared her throat and opened the book.

* * *

"THAT'S… THAT'S… I do not have the correct words to describe this situation…" Soldier sighed

"Lassie, you tryin' to tell us that Merasmus casted a wee little to many spells and now we're stuck like this? Eh, it's not so bad. Goin through walls and scarin' the livin' daylights out of everybody is fun. Now I can get back at that french lad." Demo laughed

Miss. Pauling raised an eyebrow "You won't be able to drink alcohol any more."

The Scottish man's eyes went wide and he slammed his fists on the broken table "I changed my mind. I dun wanna be a ghost anymore. HOW THE HELL DO WE FIX THIS!?"

Heavy nodded "I do not want to be a rock monster forever either."

"I don't know…" Miss. Pauling spoke quietly.

"WHAT!?" Soldier screamed "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS!? YOU HAVE THE BOOK!"

"Soldier just because the lass has the book don't mean she's a wizard!" Demo shouted.

"WELL WHAT IF SHE'S SECRETLY A WITCH!?"

"Soldier! I'm not a witch and you know it! Plus the pages with the cures are ripped out!"

She opened the heavy book and showed the 3 men in front of her.

"You can not be serious." Heavy gasped.

"Looks like everybody's stuck this way…" Pauling sighed

"That's not gonna be the case boss"

The 4 turned their heads to face the Texan smirking at the door way. Engineer seemed like he had an idea, he always had an idea, and they usually never fail.

"Engineer? Laddie, ye look… eeeh, normal?" Demo squinted "Why'd you not get cursed?"

Engineer scoffed "Oh trust me, I did."

"Well what the hell are you then?" Soldier shouted

"You look normal to me." Heavy raised his eyebrow "Are YOU a wizard?"

"Actually, I think I am! I accidentally burnt the couch a while ago. That was before Pyro and Sniper started running around like maniacs. Poor boys." The Texas man sighed.

"So is that Medic sleeping on the ceiling?" Pauling asked

Engineer nodded after he stared up at the ceiling to look at the brown blood sucking bat "Yeah! How'd you guess? I wonder when he'll-"

Soldier then roared with the force of an elephant "MEDIC GET THE HELL UP BEFORE I COME UP THERE AND MAKE YOU, YOU MAGGOT!"

The bat's eyes were as wide as dinner plates as it flapped it wings a bit and fell from a great height, which quickly turned into Doctor Ludwig, the Medic, as he fell and crashed onto the floor with a great thud, but he wasn't the same, his ears were pointed like an elves, his two teeth were long and starp, fangs, and his skin was extremely pale, to the point it looked unhealthy. The German groaned in pain as he hoisted himself up. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the Zombie standing before him.

Medic grunted "SOLDIER! Oh you have some nerve j'ou dirty peice of American-" he looked up at everybody staring at him "Vhat? Vhat are you all looking at? Vhat time iz it?"

"Doctor it is Twelve in the afternoon." Heavy laughed "You slept through half of the day."

"TWELVE IN ZE AFTERNOON!?"

Medic scrambled to his feet, in a panicked frenzy, he rushed to his room but quickly came out when he remembered he was already in his work clothes.

"WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE! REDMOND IZ GOING TO HAVE OUR HEADS!"

Medic rushed out the door and had only been gone for a few minutes when he returned covered in burns"

Sounding a tad bit irritated, Medic spoke up "I hope some body can give me a good explanation for zis."

Everybody turned their heads to the lady with the book once again "Well Doctor. Ludwig. I believe Merasmus has something to do with this. Here." She then gave Medic a gigantic book "Turn to page 420."

The Vampire skimmed through the pages one by one "Vhere did j'ou get zis?"

"Merasmus dropped it off at the Library. I ended up bringing it home."

"So…" Medic sighed "I suppose I'm a Vampire now"

Miss. Pauling nodded

"The pages to bring us back to normal are all torn out." Engineer added "Looks like we're stuck like this until further notice."

Ludwig put his hand on his forehead "Fantastic. Now vhere is Pyro, Sniper, Spy and-"

"PYRO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I'M NOT GETTING IN THERE WITH HIM!"

"There's your answer." Heavy sighed.

* * *

Pyro had been trying to pick scout up from the water and into a basin that was also occupied by Spy for the past few minutes.

"Don't touch me man! You almost burnt down the base! I don't wanna be next!" Scout shuttered

"Scout you know very well Pyro would never try to hurt you" Spy protested.

Pyro nodded furiously and reached out their arms "Hudda hudda! Hudda Hud hud."

Scout shook his head "Nuh uh! No way! No how! I'm not getting burned and I'm not getting in there with Mister Baguettes!"

Spy rolled his eyes at Scout "Really mature Scout. You're very very mature. Now if you'd just get your scaly butt in here-"

"Like I'd want to be in the same basin as you and your slimy squid ass!"

"For the last time CECELIA ARE NOT SQUIDS THEY'RE OCTOPI! YOU IMBECILE!"

Scout muttered under his breath as Pyro just sat there nervously, hoping their co worker would come to his senses and get out of the water.

They were under the bridge that connected the RED and BLU bases together, under that was a little area covered in water that led under their bases so the opposing team could secretly get into the base for capture the flag. Though due to being deep water that came up to past a Heavy's neck, it would be nearly impossible to get in, since clones, and to an extent the original Mercs, aren't very good swimmers.

"'Sides, it'll be awkward! Like literally I'm naked here!" Scout rose out of the water a bit as his red ear fins flared up.

"Scout" Spy began as he face palmed "You're the one who decided to do that. The only things you kept on are your Dog Tags and your Ghas."

"Well unlike you and your fancy suit wearing Ass. At least I look hot!"

"You really don't."

"Yeah I do! Just ask Miss. Pauling!"

"She's your Girlfriend!"

"Proves my point."

Pyro sighed as the two were bickering Pyro just wished somebody would show up and end this, right here. Right now. Maybe Sniper could! Yeah! He could show up with his Rifle and shoot it into the air and- and…. Oh yeah.

Snipes torn up the whole base and ran off.

How could they forget…? He changed into some… thing! And torn everything up. He split the table in half, torn up the couch and wall paper, even forced the Locker doors open, and even raided the fridge and ate all the meat. He took all the Goddamn Baccon. That monster! Who would be so cruel as to steal all the Baccon… ok it's understandable if there's only one slice left. Everybody has done that. The only thing left in there is vegetables, Eggs, beverages, and Heavy's oh so many Sandviches. And that Blu Spy head that Medic put in there for some… odd reason.

"Hudda Hudda." Pyro muttered.

The Pyro maniac felt a shiver run down his spine. He was then faced to face with Demoman!

"Aye Pyro! How ya doin' lad?" the drunk asked gleefully.

Pyro made a noise to signify laughter and went in for a hug, but felt nothing but cold air.

"Eh, sorry laddie, but I'm a Ghost, me body's in me room. And ye don't wanna be touchin' tha'" Demo felt a bit sorry for the man, or woman…. What where they?

Demo looked behind Pyro by going right through them "Oi! Spy! Ye look a bit squished in there lad. With all of the bloody red tentacles an' stuff."

Spy agreed "It is a bit crowded. Though that's not what I'm concerned about."

"Aye lad? What you worried about then?"

"Surprisingly. Him." Spy then pointed a gloved finger towards scout as he slowly sank back down into the deep water up to the point it almost touched his nose.

"You're worried about… him?" Demo sounded like he was about to laugh "You're worried about Scout!?"

"I-"

Spy was quickly enturupted by a falling soldier head as Heavy screamed "INCOMING!" as his head plopped down into the Basin. Spy was speechless as Demo picked up his head.

"Damn it!" Soldier shouted "I was in the mood for some calamari."

Spy looked disgusted "I AM NOT A SQUID! I AM A CECELIA. AN OCTOPUS! SQUIDS HAVE TEN LIMBS! OCTOPI HAVE EIGHT!"

Soldier raised an eyebrow, no body could see it but he did "But aren't your arms limbs?"

"No! Well- yes but!"

Spy could hear Scout laughing as bubbles came to the surface of the water. Pyro couldn't help but join in.

"Oh shut up."

Everybody else, and soldier's body, came rushing down to catch a glimpse of everybody else.

Pyro more of less looked the same with his flame resistant suit.

As for Spy and Scout, Spy was in a tiny Basin with his normal red suit on only he went from havin two regular legs to eight slimy red tentacles. As for Scout. Nobody could really see him except for the red fins on his ears. But from the side effects of the book, everybody assumed he was a Mermaid, as Spy had no trace of fins. Scout was missing his hat and headphones.

Speak of the Devil and he will come, Scout shoved his head out of the water "Hey guys! Lookin' for somethin'? If you are better come grab him 'cause I deal with enough dead bodies."

"Actually J'ah." Medic spoke up not daring to take a step outside "Ve're looking for Sniper. Have any of j'ou seen him?"

Spy and Scout shook their heads, but Pyro waved his hand as quickly as he could.

Medic had a toothy grin "J'ou did Pyro? Vhere is he?"

"Hudda hudda!" Pyro mumbled

The other Mercs made extremely confused faces. But Scout swam closer to the shore and sat down next to Pyro, letting his ruby tail sink into the water. Yep, the speed demon was actually shirtless, though some of his features where more noticeable, like his muscles how there was webbing in between his fingers and how a fin ran down his back, 6 slits where on his torso (all together) and 6 were on his neck (also all together) and his teeth were like a shark's "Alrighty Lady and gentlemen, especially lady, I think I might know what chuckle nuts here is saying."

"You do?"

"Wait really?"

"Oh shit you mean it?"

"Pardoné?"

"Cool!"

"I'm hungry."

"Yeah? Well I'm dead and can't drink."

"Hudda!?"

Scout shrugged "I mean. I can try? No promises it'll be EXACTLY what he said."

Pyro looked like they were about to cry, they were so happy. Finally! Somebody could understand them! They stretched out their arms and hugged Scout tightly.

"Ok ok ok!" He begged "Not so tight man! Seriously I can't breathe! But uhhh, don't let go please, I'm freezing and you're like, made of fire."

Pyro nodded and began their story...

* * *

_**Flaaaaaaaaaaassssh baaaaaaaaaaaaack...**_

Pyro was sleeping in their little hot tub from when they were awake, their skin was all wrinkled, but it was the only thing keeping them from burning up. They woke up in the middle of the knight to hear scratching. Pyro got up and changed from their soaked pyjamas and into some clean ones, though they didn't feel like it, they were on fire. They opened their door, they figured since nobody in the base was up the wouldn't need their gas mask, as much as they are ashamed of their face, they thought nobody would get to see it.

They tiptoeed through the halls as if they where a child, technically they were a bit of a child, since they were 18. It didn't hurt them to act like a child. Did it? They were the youngest team member after all.

They exited the hallway and entered the kitchen. That was where the noise was coming from. They looked around do the source. It was coming from the fridge.

Was that some sort of Coyote? It sure looked like it. But it had somehow gotten Sniper's hat somehow. Careful not to disturb it and not get caught. Pyro crept along the hall way to tell sniper about his missing hat. Sniper already knew about their insecurity, but he was cool with Pyro's face and was the only one they could trust about their secret. As the Assassins door opened quietly they saw nobody in sniper's bed. Weird. That's when they noticed foot prints. Dirty foot prints. They stared at them they noticed the prints became wider, and bigger, and grew claws as they scratched the floor. Pyro put the peices together.

The coyote WAS Sniper.

The realisation hit Pyro hard.

They rushed out to the hallway only to find Sniper staring directly at them.

"H-h-h-hey Sniper ol' buddy ol' pal. How's the wife and kids?" Pyro stuttered, their voice was between Masculine and Feminine, it was like a male's but had that little bit of a Feminine tone that you weren't quite sure if it's actually a guy.

All Sniper did was growl at the young adult. Sniper just came closer, if looks could kill, Pyro would have been dead already.

"Ok ok, not the best time for jokes 'ey?" Pyro continued "Didnt really think so. Ok ok ok. So uhhh, what about uhh, your uhhh… shit, c'mon you Pyro maniac THINK!"

Before Pyro could let another word out Sniper lunged towards him and scratched the paper on the wall. Pyro had dodged just in time and ran to get their gear, but the animal with Sniper's name was right behind themand scratched the paper on the wall. Pyro had dodged just in time and ran to get their gear, but the animal with Sniper's name was right behind them. Pyro couldn't stop running for their life, so their plan was to run Sniper into anything they could. They didn't want to risk showing their face to the other Mercs, Pyro could handle this. Right?

Pyro had ran across the couch, on the walls on top of the lockers and hung from the ceiling in hopes that Sni- no… that monster, wouldn't be able to get him. Eventually, the Coyote gave up, and left through the front door, maybe to Sniper's car.

Once the coast was clear, Pyro slowly made their way down and climbed back into bed. None of the Mercs would believe them. Well they'll have to once they wonder where Sniper disappeared to.

* * *

"Damn Pyro" Scout was wide eyed "that… actually happened?"

Pyro nodded, still shaken a bit over what happened last night.

"Pyro that's terrible…" Miss. Pauling sighed "Tomorrow after work, I'll go looking for him."

"Speaking of which" Medic snapped his fingers "There's a capture the flag game and we're going to be at least 3 members short, we've lost our main source of protection, Spy doesn't have legs so none of us can enter ze BLU's base without being spotted, and Scout can't even take a foot on dry land and he was- or is our fastest team member!"

"Lad's right." Demo muttered "What do we do now?"


	3. Pyro's guide on how to become friends

Capture the flag went GREAT! Heavy didn't even need Ubercharge and took down almost half of BLU's team, since bullets can't penetrate rock, it made Heavy a great wall of defense and the team made it through enemy lines without breaking a sweat. Sure it was unfair and the BLU team was terrified, but the element of surprise was valued.

Demo managed to sneak into BLU sniper's hiding spot and scare the living daylights out of him, preventing him from sniping any of the vulnerable team mates, with the loss of their sniper, Demo thought he'd have a bit of fun.

Pyro had a resistance to fire so BLU's Pyro couldn't even damage them, except when he hit them with an axe and sliced their arm. But ever since yesterday, Pyro still hasn't been able to figure out how to become a ball of fire. Which disappointed them greatly. As they managed to do it the first time yesterday.

Spy, unlike Scout, didn't constantly need water, so he was able to sneak past enemy lines no problem, other than the new way to camouflage himself, he didn't have any struggles, except for getting use to his tentacles, which he managed to walk with like normal human legs (Is his first name Squidward?). Before you know it, it'll be like nothing had ever happened to him

Medic was no longer healing everybody instantly after they called for him, he was now sucking the blood out of every BLU Merc he could find. Plus he always wanted to use an umbrella like a lady from the 1800's. Sunscreen seemed like the better option but...

Soldier's job didn't change much, but he did get to snack on some good ol' flesh and organs. He kept losing his limbs over and over and over again. He shed a lot of blood, but he did end up throwing his arms and legs and at some points his head, what was it bowling night? Either way, he would have gotten a lot of spares and gutters.

Scout absolutely hated being confined to a small area of water, but he did end up heading to dry land and snatching the BLU's intelligence without notice the first few times, their sentry turrets couldn't identify him despite his red color. Though the BLU team caught on and tried to kill him. They succeeded most of the time because he didn't have legs. But somebody always threw him back in the lake.

Engineers job hasn't changed much, but he had somehow managed to get rid of invisible and undercover spies and saved some of his sentry's… somehow… for the most part the guy just sat in his chair, had a beer, played some tunes on his guitar, cooked some Bacon with his fingers, and watched the enemy team fall before his color chasing bullets. Didn't have to put up many dispensers either. All he needed to do was sit there and watch the madness unfold.

After that match the BLU team were terrified of the small group of monsters, especially Medic, that son of a bitch was out for mother fucking blood. Somebody. ANYBODY. Put him on a leash.

Pyro had sat down near the lake at lunch break, it was mostly because they were bored and they wanted to talk to somebody, because Medic and Heavy always ate their lunches together, Spy ate outside so he could have a smoke afterwards and cool down, Demo and Soldier were always fighting over what food they were going to trade, Engineer always cooked for the gang so he ate after everybody else did, and Sniper….. he usually ate alone, but sometimes would hang out with Pyro when they were bored, as for Scout, he just sat with whoever felt like dealing with his crap. But now that everybody is kinda not human anymore, things kinda changed, Engineer cooking for everybody sure didn't food was just served faster, Sniper wasn't there, Spy could easily cool down, but still had to go outside because somebody had asthma, Demo gladly took Soldiers "Human Food" because he had an all you can eat organ Buffett, it just ended up phasing through him.

Though, Pyro was feeling a bit nicer-er today and brought out some food, since Sniper was gone they needed somebody to talk to, so Pyro thought of the most brilliant bribery to get Scout to open his goddamn mouth and not talk about himself for once.

Plus he can't really go that far out of water. Sure he can grab the intelligence and head back, but he can't stay on land forever.

"Hudda Huddaaaaaa~!" Pyro called out behind their mask.

Then a certain cocky idiot with dirty blonde hair poked his head out of the water at the smell of food and Pyro's shouting. Scout kinda looked tired, he was rubbing his eyes so maybe he was taking a nap? Wait how to mermaids sleep? Like in clam shells? curled up in a ball? In a… SEA bed? HA! Sea bed.

"Goddamn it Pyro what do you want...?" Scout asked yawning. Yep he was taking a nap.

Pyro pointed to a barbecued burger and Scout lit up instantly "Oh sweet! I forgot it was lunch!"

He dove back underwater and launched himself onto the shore, sliding across the smooth and polished pavement almost hitting the wall, but instantly crawled to the plate of food.

"Hudda hud hudda?" Pyro mumbled.

Scout only bit into his food fiercely. Pyro didn't know if the dimwit was even listening to them.

"Hudda?" Pyro tapped the Merman's shoulder gently.

Scout jerked his head towards the younger… man?... Woman…? He honestly didn't know… to be honest… but he just gave them a confused look as he gave a short hum before swallowing "Yo what's up?"

"Hudda hudda hudda?" Pyro asked, their words were muffled under the gas mask.

"Yeah sure, ask me anything…"

"Hudda hud hud hudda hud?"

"Sniper? Not sure where the guy is, maybe he's hit the road… or ran off or- Oh wait those two mean the same thing, CRAP! I uhhh… look, I dunno what happened to the guy."

The pyromaniac sighed as they slid their mask off a bit just revealing their mouth, picked up their food, and ate peacefully.

"Yo Pyro?" Scout began, with his mouth full. "Why do you always wear the mask?"

Pyro flinched, they swallowed their burger and slid back down their mask as quickly as they could.

"Touchy subject or something?"

Pyro nodded fiercely, they didn't like talking about their face much. Or at all. So they just kept quiet about it.

"Alright, alright, change of subject. Since we kinda don't talk much maybe we could kinda start talking? What's your uhhhh….." Scout was deep in thought, but Pyro got up and ran inside, but came back with a pencil, Crayons, a book, and paper.

"Hudda hudda!" Pyro cheered pointing to the paper.

"Oh… gotcha." the fish man gave a thumbs up. "You're gonna write to me!"

Pyro shook their head, they didn't even know how their alphabet, let alone writing.

"So you're drawing? God Pyro you're a real kid at heart."

"Hud Hudda."

"Ok ok, fine! So uhhh… what's your favorite uhhh…" Scout thought really hard on this question, he barely knew a thing about Pyro, other than they like fire and they might be a girl but they sounded like a guy. "Ok this is an insanely stupid first question but, color?"

Pyro opened the box of crayons and took out the color orange. Giddily holding it up for Scout to see.

"Orange huh? Why's that? Is it because it reminds you of fire?"

Pyro nodded and then pointed to Scout "Hudda hudda hudda?"

"I don't really have a favorite" Scout put his hand to his chin in thought "Blue's a cool color, but I guess I like Red."

"Hud. Hudda hudda hudda ha?" Pyro pointed

The dirty blonde raised an eyebrow "You askin' that 'cause I'm a Merman or something?

"Huuuuuuuuudddaaaa" Pyro chuckled to themselves. But couldn't stop smiling under their mask.

Scout thought hard about this one "If I had to choose a fish I guess it'd be an Electric Eel? No, no, a SHARK! Nah to over rated. Maybe a Salmon?... nah they're too tasty to be cool. Maybe a mantaray? Me and Miss. P went on a date to an aquarium that one time and OH MY GOD they're adorable! You shoulda been there Pyro you woulda loved 'em! No wait I got it!"

Pyro tilted his head.

"It sounds clechè but, I think my favourite might be Dolphins!"

"Hudda?" Pyro objected "Hudda hud hudda. Hud hud hud."

Scout smirked "Wait Dolphins are mammals? You not joshin' me?"

Pyro shook their head, nope, if they've learned anything from hunting with Sniper, is that both Mammals and Fish live in the sea. They tend to ask questions about the ecosystem a lot, Sniper's always outside, so they're learning something at least!

"Alright, alright, Manta Ray it is then. But nothing can top dolphins. What about you?"

Pyro put the book under his paper and began doodling, Scout tried to see what they were making, but he was just pushed away. Pyro grabbed a few crayons and colored, then they showed Scout.

"A Dumbo Octopus huh? Yeah those guys are pretty cool." Scout sighed as he bit into his burger. "How do you think Miss. P's doing on her little adventure?"

"Hudda hud" Pyro mumbled rubbing their arm. "Hud hud Hudda?"

"Miss. P's tough. Remember when I first asked her out on a date? Yeah. She ended up killing me no problem." Scout added. "I think she'll be able to handle Snipes."

Pyro shrugged unsure about it. They had barely avoided Sniper. Is miss. Pauling able to do the same…? They tugged the sleeves of their suit a bit. But to get their mind off of it they asked Scout a question and gave him an idea he wanted to try out.

"You wanna try it then Pyro? Maybe the movie's are right!"

Hopefully Pyro knew this might be dangerous.

* * *

"Sniper?" Miss. Pauling called out "It's me Miss. Pauling!"

No answer. Damn it did she really expect him to answer her just like that…?

Still, she continued to walk down the dirt path in the heat, it's a good thing she brought equipment with her, otherwise she'd be dead by now.

Pauling kept walking along the desert road hoping for a sign of life. Sniper's foot prints would be good enough for her. Still she kept moving.

The walk was aggravating, the hot desert sun beat down on her like never before. How could Sniper handle being out here? Oh yeah. His air conditioned truck. Of course. He's probably driving along the roads hoping for a new meal. Sniper was eating raw meat in the fridge last time Miss. P saw him, so hopefully he didn't have to worry about cooking it.

Did he?

Ok seriously she should probably stop trying to give herself anxiety.

Either way, she kept walking in the hot desert sun. Hoping to see some…

Tire tracks!

Miss. Pauling found tire tracks! Jackpot!

Miss. Pauling ran in the direction the tracks travelled. They didn't go very far, only a mile at least. She stopped running to avoid hitt the truck.

She slowly walked towards the driver's seat and peeked through the window, inside was the hunting nut himself, Sniper, sleeping away in the front seat. Miss. Pauling tapped on the window and the man jolted awake, preparing his gun for the worst. But eased up a bit when he saw it was just her.

"Pauling! Bloody hell what 're you doing here? Did you… walk?" Sniper asked adjusting his shades and hat.

Miss. Pauling groaned "Yep. And I don't wanna talk about it."

* * *

Hey glad you made it to the end of the short chapter! So I've got a Tumblr account and I want to know if you would like me to create an ask blog for this TF2 AU. It'll be in a type of chibi style since I'm not very confident drawing the TF2 characters in my style quite yet, and will also take place during the story. Still hope you like this chapter!

Also I've never seen Pyro and Scout interact a lot in any TF2 fic so I thought I should try and expand on their relationship! Still I hope you like this short chapter!


	4. Country Roads (The gang's back together)

God the ride back was boring…

It took Pauling a while to get Sniper to agree to come back to the base. It really did. He was afraid to face Pyro again, what would they think of him? After trashing the base and eating all of the food? He thought the whole team wouldn't want him back. But Pauling persuaded him otherwise. The RED team wouldn't be the same without the assassin.

The ride back to the base was quiet, Sniper turned on the radio, though that didn't help at all, it felt awkward. A bit tense, and a bit strange…

"So Sniper. Why did you leave?" Pauling asked a bit quietly.

Sniper kept his eyes on the road "Well. I didn't want to hurt anybody, sure everybody's a bit annoying but we're a team. I mean, I almost hurt Pyro! Li'l bugger was scared to death! Miss. P you wouldn't believe me if I told you what happened."

"Trust me Sniper. I know what happened. Just keep driving. You and pyro can talk it out."

Sniper glanced at her for a moment then back at the road "What do ya mean? Pyro couldn't have told ya. Could they?"

"Yes. Well. Scout translated them." Miss. Pauling answered "Honestly I was impressed. None of the other members could understand them. What about you Sniper?"

"Me? Well bloody hell their mumbling was confusing as shit. Let me tell ya. But I hung out with 'em more and what do you know? I was speaking Pyro! Well I wasn't speaking it more of uhh, listening to Pyro's mumbles and understanding him."

"I suppose that makes sense…"

"Yeah?"

"Yes I suppose."

The conversation ended there, but Pauling decided to change the subject.

"So..." Miss. Pauling began "How's your family?"

"Me mum an' dad?" Sniper raised an eyebrow "Well, Dad's helpin' mum around the house. The poor woman can't afford to see a doctor. So Dad helps in any way he can. So am I."

"What's wrong with your mother? Is she alright?"

"She just has a few back problems, me and Dad are tryin' to save enough money for her."

"Is that why you joined RED?"

Sniper chuckled "Bloody hell! No! It's why I became an assassin! Joiningp' RED was just a promotion. So how's your family?"

"Well" Miss. Pauling sighed "My father and I haven't spoken in years, and my mother died last year…"

"Oh Miss. P, sorry for the loss lassie…"

"It's fine." Pauling sighed "I've accepted it, plus I can't trust my Dad since he's a Police Officer. It's hard to talk to him. But he's the only family I have left."

"Heh, I don't trust Police officers either. Don't worry 'bout it."

Miss. Pauling laughed, it was difficult to be around ANY of the Mercs without cracking a smile, things certainly have changed. Guess her co-workers have grown on her.

The Australian man spoke up again "So how's everyone at the base?"

"Well…" Pauling began "let's just say nobody's human… anymore…"

"Them too?"

Pauling nodded.

"What happened to us then?"

"Merasmus happened."

Sniper slammed his hand into his face and made a grunt of annoyance, completely irritated "Oh piss. DAMN IT SOLDIER!"

Miss. Pauling was a bit confused at Sniper's reaction, so she egged him on "Wha-? What did he do this time?"

"Alrighty, let's see here..." Sniper muttered, trying to recall the events. "It happened about... a week? No, no, no, two weeks! Two weeks ago, Soldier had been talkin' trash about Merasmus... again."

"Again?"

"Yes again. Anyways. Jane was telling us how Merasmus had claimed he could kinda sorta communicate with 'Mythical Creatures' and 'Supernatural Entities.' Y'know all that weird shit, and somethin' about spells that could change a human's form. Speak of the Devil and he'll come. Mother fucker busted in through the door, spoke some gibberish and before ya know it a week later we were bedridden!"

"I should have known Soldier pissed off Merasmus… again…" Pauling sighed, frustrated she didn't see this coming. Of course Soldier caused Merasmus to curse everybody… it just made sense, he can make the most happiest or calmest man frustrated, irritated, and confused, all at the same time. Looks like the wizard had had the last straw. He was going to break eventually though. Or really break the rest of what he had left.

"How much longer 'till we're back at the base?" Pauling asked.

"'bout an hour get cozy." Sniper replied.

The other adult sighed. If that were the case, it would feel a little longer than just 'An Hour'. It would feel a lot more than that.

* * *

"P-Pyro…? Y-you seein' this…?" Scout muttered a bit shaken up, his throat a bit dry.

Pyro nodded. Scout's fins were shriveled up, no longer being the soft texture they appeared to have making them a bit of an unhealthy version of the pinkish-red color they were, they were a bit faded as well. The bright red scales were falling one by one, and were also a bit of a darker shade and lost their ruby touch. The webbing between his skin was thin and not as stretchy, also losing some of it's bright color, to the point Scout couldn't spread his fingers and had to ball them into a fist. It scared Pyro, and Scout a bit.

"Hudda hud hud hud hud hudda hudda?" Pyro asked under their gas mask. "hud hud hudda hud…"

"Pyro! C'mon! Just a little bit longer and I think I'll be able to walk again… J-Just a bit more!"

"Hud hudda!" Pyro shouted. Scout was becoming a bit more pale and his gills were having difficulties working. Slowly opening and closing. Pyro couldn't take it anymore. They had to do something or else Scout's stubborn ass is going to dry himself out! So they scooped Scout up in their arms, being careful not to hurt him. "Hud. Hud hudda. Hud!"

They held on tightly to the older man and tossed him back into the water. Scout landed into the pond with a gigantic splash, the water almost splashed onto Pyro, but all it did was just spill on the ground.

Scout shot back up, his fins becoming their natural color, but were flared up. "DUDE WHAT THE HELL!? I ALMOST HAD IT!"

Pyro hadn't really seen Scout this mad, he was mostly an easy going guy, never really frowned and/or got mad, it was frightening and odd, did they do something wrong? They had good intentions, maybe Scout would understand?

"I was THIS CLOSE TO GETTING MY LEGS BACK!" The Red Merman shouted at the top of his lungs "I almost-! I-I could have- I was- I…"

Was he… tearing up…? It sounded like his nose was getting stuffy, and his eyes looked a bit puffy and- Oh crap he's going to cry. Pyro had began questioning what they had done to make Scout act like this. Did they do something bad? Would Scout still want to be their friend?

"Hud?" Pyro asked

The Bostonian just couldn't say anything to them, all he could focus on was his feelings "WHAT!?" he shouted, tears streaming down his face.

"Hud…" Pyro began "Hudda Hud hudda hud hudda. Hud hud hudda hud hud!"

"Dried… out…?" Scout sniffed.

All Pyro could do was nod, they knelt down and gestured the Merman to come to them.

Scout went back under water, hoping Pyro didn't see him cry, and slowly swam towards them. He poked his head out, but Pyro scooped Scout up under his arms, which caught him off guard so he struggled tooth to nail trying to get out, then squeezed him extremely tightly. Then Pyro lifted up their mask slightly.

"Scout…"

The sudden mention of Scout's name shocked him.

"I get it, you want to be normal again. But, you saw what happened. I only wanted to help because you kinda looked like you were gonna dry out. Like seriously, your scales were falling off dude…" Pyro still held on to the older man, looking at his scales and fins, recalling the events that just happened. "But you'll get use to it right?"

Scout was speechless "Holy shit… I- Pyro I…"

"You don't know what to say do you…?"

"Actually…" Scout began, as he wiped away a tear and pulled away from Pyro "I was gonna say I never knew how much you sound like a girl… but yeah... that too."

Pyro was speechless this time "...Excuse me what the fuck did you just fucking say to my fucking face…?"

"You heard me."

Pyro scoffed and muttered something along the lines of 'way to be vulnerable jackass. And way to kill the mood' before pulling back down their mask. Making Scout snort a bit before laughing.

"Huddahud! Hud hud hud hud hud hudda hud hud hud!" Pyro crossed their arms and looked to their right, avoiding eye contact with Scout, as if they were a child who was mad at an adult.

All Scout could do was laugh, which didn't help Pyro in any case, before you knew it, they were laughing along with Scout. That was until the Administrator announced that there would be a Death Match later after lunch, team with the most kills wins.

"Hud, hud hudda!" Pyro mumbled.

"Alright, cool, catch you later?" Scout asked with a smirk.

Pyro couldn't help but smile under their mask "Hud, hudda hudda!" and at that, they left.

If Pyro was going on and helping the team, they were still short on two members... what could Scout do to help...?

Then a thought came to him, what if he could drown the BLU Mercs if they came close to his territory…? Maybe he could munch on them if they- NO! NO! There shall be no BLU MUNCHING TODAY! NOT ON SCOUT'S WATCH… Ok maaaayyybe if it's a BLU spy… THEN it's necessary… he just don't over do it, otherwise he wouldn't get any visitors…

Either way, it sounds a bit like fun. Kicking some BLU ass doesn't sound bad… it's nothing new from normal…

* * *

The other 7 Mercs were still in the respawn room, waiting for the Administrator's announcement for the next battle to begin… they'd managed to kill the BLU Mercs from last round, but by now the entire BLU team and probably Blutarch know about the group of 8 little monsters out for BLU blood. Plus the BLU team began to suspect they're probably going to get infected to. Since they were their clones. They assumed nobody, not even the RED team's clones, was safe. At least that's what they've heard from spy sneaking into the other team's base just for fun.

Hell, the RED Mercs even pulled the BLU spy head out of the fridge

"What do I think of this?" Spy repeated the question asked to him by the engineering wizard "I say my previous teammates are out of their minds. It is completely idiotic of them to assume they'd turn into a Squid-"

"OCTOPUS!" Spy shouted in his basin.

"...Riiiiiigggghhht…. A Rock, a fish, or a Zombie, just to name a few."

"Now zat I think about it." Medic began "Aren't ve all Zombies in that case?"

"Well now that you mention it, I guess… though we aren't first things first imma eat your brains, Zombies." Engineer replied "That's Soldier's job."

"HEY! I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT MAGGOT!" Soldier shouted and pointed to himself with his thumb "And BLU brains are tasty. YOU just don't understand."

Engineer sighed "Yeah… sure Jane…"

"Still, it's relevant, the BLU mercenaries just don't understand what's going on." the BLU spy head continued.

"Wha' the bloody hell do we do if tha' word gets out to tha' boss tha' we ain't human no more…?" Demo asked, sitting down on a bench while tossing a bomb up in the air.

"Vile zat iz a good question, Demo, unfortunately all ve do know iz zat ve hope for ze best case scenario." Medic began as he crossed his legs.

Heavy scratched his head and looked at the German "What is that then?"

"Hope nobody finds out, zat is vat."

"That is a terrible answer Doctor."

"J'ah, I know."

The door to the respawn room suddenly cheeked open and Miss. Pauling opened the door with a huge smile on her face "Hey guys? I hope you're not planning on having a battle without Mundy over here?"

Pauling opened the door slightly more to reveal the tall Assassin standing behind it.

Everybody was speechless, their missing teammate was back. And human no less.

Pyro quickly stood up and ran over to Sniper, hugging him as tightly as they could. "HUDDAAAAAA!"

All Sniper could do was smile and hug back "Yeah kiddo" Sniper began "It's great to see you too. It's great to see all of you again."

He then turned to see the rest of his team "Huh." Sniper began "Guess you were right Pauling, I really ain't the only one who's changed." Sniper smirked.

Engineer walked over and placed his hand on Sniper's shoulder "It's great to have you back pardner."

"I agree!" Soldier shouted "A battle is incomplete without a Sniper."

All Heavy could do was nod, as well as Medic

Spy smirked, with the other BLU spy in hand "Yes it is good to have you back. But no more eating raw meat out of the fridge, I had to go to the store and risk being caught all for dinner."

All BLU Spy's head could do was smirk at the Cecelia.

Demo dropped the bomb and crossed his arms, frowning "Does tha' mean I dun' get to scare ol' BLU Sniper anymore?"

Everybody couldn't help bursting out laughing.

As Sniper stopped he smiled "Ha... It's good to be back…"

* * *

**Hey thanks for reading this chapter! ****I'm having fun writing this story and I'm happy other people are enjoying it as well! It's my first story for TF2 and I'm happy people are enjoying it!**


	5. Kiss the boy (Scout cries again)

Night had fallen, in the small place called Badlands, all the mercenaries were snug in bed, Miss. Pauling decided to stay over just in case Sniper transformed again so she crashed on the couch happily. Soldier and Demo didn't need sleep, but they did anyways. Heavy snored extremely loudly on the living room rocking chair, reading a book to help Pyro sleep. The little Devil himself chose to sleep on top of the Rocky giant in case the Coyote came back, at least he'd have some form of protection. Medic decided to 'break the cycle' and sleep during the night, completely ignoring the 'Vampires sleep in the day' rule, why? Because he felt like it… actually it was because he was so use to it. Scout was still stuck in the pond and not anywhere as comfortable as a bed. Spy remained in his basin trying to get use to sleeping in water, because heaven forbid he get his bed sheets covered in octopus slime. Engineer stayed up until 12 trying to find some spells he could practice, so far he could only set his finger on fire and wield stuff, so he just got to sleep recently. Sniper was curled up in his bed with a rifle next to him resting on the other pillow, thankfully it wasn't loaded. Yeah the mother fucked sleeps with that thing.

The night was silent, pleasantly silent, if anybody looked through the window, they'd see a clear sky with the no longer full moon, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, and the Big as well as Little Dipper were in view. If anybody bothered to look through a telescope they'd see it for sure.

Everybody was fast asleep, somehow Demo fell asleep holding on to Soldier's head, but that's a different story. Everybody was a deep sleeper, except for Miss. Pauling, she was an extremely light sleeper, she has to be ready for anything, burglars, her alarm, Saxton Hale… anything. So she really surprised to hear somebody singing…

She rubbed her eyes and reached for her glasses, her hair was a mess, she'd look like an absolute fool once she stepped outside, though it was understandable… it _was_ 1 in the morning.

She pulled herself out of bed to see what the hell was going on, she figured if she were to go outside she'd be fine, her purple nightgown went down below her knees and her selves were long, so she had no trouble staying warm. She put on her slippers and walked outside. Who ever was singing was pretty good at it. The lyrics were heard pretty clearly. It had a slow tune to it that you could dance to with a partner.

"There you see her. Sitting there across the way. She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her..."

Pauling walked down stairs to the basement to see Scout sitting there, possibly freezing. The singing was coming from… him?

He didn't notice her at all and blissfully kept singing "And you don't know why, but you're dying to try you wanna-"

"Scout?"

The sound of his name made him jump and fall back into the water. But not without a scream. When he popped back up Scout saw Miss. Pauling, staring at him slightly confused and with bags under her eyes, clearly tired.

"M-Miss. P! I-I didn't know you were, I just- I… uhh..." Scout was completely embarrassed, his face almost as Red as his fins.

"You were singing…" Pauling continued for him.

"Uhh… yeah… I was…"

"Scout, what're you doing up? It's one AM?"

Scout sank down a bit "I… couldn't sleep…"

"Did you down five cans of Bonk again?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"Nah, learned my lesson the first time."

"First twelve"

"First time, first twelve, what's the difference?"

"The difference is that you didn't know the consequences the first time but when you found out what they were you still did it over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and-"

"Ok, ok! There's a different, I get it! What're you doin' up babe?"

"I heard your singing" Pauling sighed "It was pretty good."

"Aww shucks, babe you don't have to say that…" Scout smiled widely.

"I'm serious, what was the song called though?"

"I dunno, I just made it up."

"Pretty well thought out for a song you 'Just made up'"

"Alright fine. I brought my one of my Nieces into the movies a month ago, and this movie was playing about a Mermaid who traded her legs just to be with some Prince, songs were real catchy. Y'know for a kid's movie."

Pauling sat down next to Scout "Walt Disney's newest movie huh?"

"Yeah… I think so. Shoulda seen my Neice's face when one of the songs started playing, y'know the one I was just hummin'?"

"I don't know because I've never seen that movie before." Miss. Pauling chuckled.

Scout began to chuckle with her, giving a big toothy grin. For once he wasn't talking about himself, he seemed to be enjoying this conversation. This is what Scout likes about Miss. Pauling, she bothers to listen to him.

Miss. Pauling then remembered something, during the year they've dated, she had never asked Scout what his name was, he never asked her either, so they just kept calling Each other by their class name/last name. She most likely forgot it.

"Hey Scout?" Pauling began "I've only ever called you Scout, can you tell me what your real name is?"

Scout looked surprised, as if he had just realized the situation as well "Oh… OH SHIT! I don't know your name either! But..."

"But…?"

"I'll only tell you mine if you tell me yours."

Miss. Pauling rolled her eyes "Of course…"

"Oh sweet!" Scout smiled, he swam closer and rested his chin on his hand "Go on, I bet it's something cute like, Annie, or Susie, or Lucy!"

"Actually…" She smiled "It's Alexa… my name is Alexa, Mary-Anne, Pauling."

"My God that really fits!"

"Thanks…" Alexa smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear "Now quit stalling, what's your name?"

"Jeremy. Jeremy Garcia."

"Jeremy Garcia… isn't Garcia a Mexican last name?"

"Yeah actually! My great grandparents were Mexican but now I'm 100% Bostonian!" Jeremy gloated.

Alexa was pretty sure that's not how that works, but she kept her mouth shut for the sake of it. Though that would explain why he's a bit tan… or maybe that's just the desert sun.

"Kinda funny how I'M the one who knows Spanish out of the two of us."

"You know Spanish?"

"I took a class, but I only remember what 'Vete a last mierda' means."

The red Merman was intrigued and pushed himself next to Alexa "What's it mean?! What's it mean!?"

"It means fuck you."

Quickly he became a laughing mess, who would have thought, Miss. Alexa, Pauling, would, and could only remember how to say 'Fuck you' in Spanish. It was the greatest thing ever.

"Hey, Scout?"

"Jeremy" Scout corrected

"Sorry. I'm just so use to calling you Scout…" Miss. Pauling went back to being serious "Pyro told me about yesterday… during lunch."

"Yesterday during lunch I was on the bathroom floor watching myself lose my legs and grow a bunch of fins."

"Ok, let me rephrase that, TODAY at lunch…"

"Oh… yeah that."

"They told me you were 'drying out'..."

Scout ran his hand through his hand, his finned ear twitching at his arm's touch. "Yeah… about that, Pyro brought it up. I wanted my legs back and they thought it was like the movies, if I dried out I'd get my legs back."

"Scout, not everything Hollywood does is true" Pauling replied softly. "They said you looked terrible. Like, super terrible. Like as pale as you were when you were sick. I get that you wanted to be human again but come on! The respawns are off during breaks and you don't respawn until later."

"Yeah yeah, I know it was stupid." Scout sighed and brought his tail up to his chin and wrapped his arms around it. "I just didn't want you to think I was a freak…"

"Scout…"

"I didn't think you'd love me anymore. Alexa, I've got fins for feet, 6 slits on my neck and waist, shark teeth, and a long ass fish tail for legs! I'm not… not normal… I'm just a stupid monster! The BLU's sure think that..." with that, tears again fell down his face. Staining it with water.

"Scou-... Jeremy… I would never think you're a monster…"

Scout, turned towards his girlfriend as she continued to speak.

"I think you're fantastic, positive, energetic, and a great person to be around. Your body doesn't change who you are as a person. It definitely doesn't change how much I love you." What Jeremy said had broken her heart. How could he say something like that? It hurt her to think about how much of a toll this whole event had taken on her boyfriend.

Jeremy couldn't speak, the tears just kept on coming, but he didn't care, he held on to Miss. Pauling as if his life depended on her fluffy purple nightgown, the hug felt like bliss, the smell of lavender helped him calm down as Alexa hugged him back.

Alexa hugged him gently, not giving a single care in the world if Jeremy was soaking her clothes, she just tried to calm him down, attempting to soothe the shaking man in front of her. It was so rare to see him so sad! It broke her heart even further.

"You good?" Alexa asked smiling.

Jeremy let go and rubbed his eyes "I'm good… well, I should probably get some sleep… see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah" She chuckled "See you later today…"

"Oh, hey, babe?"

Alexa turned around and faced Jeremy again "Yeah?"

Jeremy cupped Alexa's cheeks and engaged in a passionate kiss. This was the first time they've done this, it's mostly been hugs, pecks on the cheek and the occasional night overs. But this was new. Jeremy pulled away with a smile and let go "I love you."

It had been such a long time since she has heard those words, I love you, it just seems so strange coming from somebody who's supposed to be a fellow employee. But she didn't object, Alexa just lofty smiled "Yeah… love you too."

"Hey wait!... again!"

"Yesssss Jeremy?"

"Ok, this I gonna sound kinda stupid, but could you maybe… bring me inside tonight? It's freezin' and the base is super warm."

Alexa sighed "You know what? I think I make some arrangements…"

"Wait really?"

"Yes really, I'll go get some preparations done."

Alexa had walked back inside and travelled upstairs, grabbed another basin, and filled it with warm water. She tiptoed to the couch and placed it down as carefully as she could. Then travelled back down to the basement to grab Jeremy. She scooped him up and carried him to his new sleeping quarters. Jeremy shut his eyes and let his head rest on Alexa's chest, the sleep was beginning to get to him and he couldn't help himself. Alexa let Jeremy rest as she lifted him upstairs, they soon got to their destination and Alexa slowly placed Jeremy in the basin, already snoring away, it wasn't very comfortable, but the water was warm so that was a plus.

Miss. Pauling climbed back on the couch and put her glasses up, covering herself once again in the blankets. Tomorrow was the weekend, that'd mean finding a solution to this little monster problem and some lounging around. But maybe they should just all lounge around and chill instead, this whole mess can wait a bit…. Can't it?

* * *

**Hey! Sorry the updates are slow, writer's block is fantastic. Anyways, here's a short chapter with Scout and Miss. Pauling because these two as a couple don't get much love, so I just thought 'Fuck it, Imma wright this because I can', I promise I'll try to make future chapters more lengthy. But hope this can hold you over :)**


	6. Looks like this isn't a chapter (QnA)

Hey everybody! While chapter 6 is being worked on, I'll be answering any questions you may have about the story, go ahead and ask anything you like, or maybe you'd like to pitch an idea for upcoming chapters, I'll be answering as many questions as I can. Feel free to PM me or send a review about anything you're confused about.

Thank you for being patient and I hope you all look forward to chapter 6!


	7. The Wizard is here! (Pyro's face reveal)

The morning had come in badlands, and a few of the mercenaries were sleeping in. Scout somehow managed to get on the couch with his fin in the water filled basin. Unfortunately Miss. P was called in for something important so she had to leave early. A few of Soldier's parts were scattered across the living room, his hand was just wandering all over the place as if it were alive, and had clung onto Pyro's face. Speaking of the Pyromaniac, they were still curled up with Heavy with a 'Grimm Fairytales' book in their hands, he felt fairly warm while they snoozed. Heavy had a firm rock hard grip on the weirdo made of fire with the book he was reading still in his stone cold Rocky hands, slowly rocking back and forth in a rocking chair. The Demo Ghost was still curled up with Soldier's head, but was now slowly floating around the place, (I'm pretty sure it'd be satisfying if he hit a corner) and he was drooling a bit… if you can even CALL it drool, it was more of ectoplasm… ok seriously what even IS that stuff!? The final Mercenary who was sleeping in was Sniper, he had originally been sleeping right next to Susan- I mean, his gun, tucked away in bed, but he had just walked into the living room in his sleep and curled up like a dog… wait he's basically half dog… wolf… coyote… yeah coyote works, so that just feels like the author is just stating the obvious.

But where were the final 3 Mercenaries you may be asking? Well Spy was having his regular morning smoke as per usual, but Medic and Engineer? The Wizard and Vampire were in the Doctor's lab.

"You sure about this Doc?"

"Positive!"

"Think this will work?"

"I have no idea!"

"Just what I needed to hear…"

The two men were working on some sort of gadget to keep the BLU team's spy out of their base.

"So Medic, tell me exactly what this thing's supposed to do?" The Engineer asked as he nudged the small device he had just made with the other man.

In response the Vampire just grew a toothy grin on his face "Vell I'm glad j'ou asked!" the Doctor smiled and clasped his hands "Zis tiny little thing iz a disruptor! Tell me, how many timez haz ze BLU Spy destroyed a centry or a dispenser while invisible or pretending to be say, Soldier, Heavy, or myself?"

The Wizard shrugged as he looked at the device "I have no idea. Couple hundred?"

"Vell NO MORE! Once ve set up zese two disruptors at ze base's entrance, Ze BLU Spy shall no longer be DISGUISED!" Once he had finished, the mad doctor had began laughing maniacally, with his face having an unnecessary twisted grin.

"What about the OTHER entrance. You know, the basement?" Engineer asked

This only resulted in the taller man shrugging "Eh, it's not like anybody other zan Scout uses it anyways."

"Riiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhht….. So is that all you wanted me in this here lab here for?" The mechanic raised an eyebrow as he pulled his goggles up to his hard hat.

"J'ah, pretty much!"

Engineer pinched the bridge of his nose and let out an aggravated sigh, he didn't care about his tools, or centry's, or his dispensers, or building anything at the moment, he was concerned about what was happening to them, and all Medic could think about was his JOB and the BASE? How has he been calm throughout this entire thing? How has he not screamed about being a blood sucking monster!? In all honesty, Dell could be going through that magical spell book by now and FINALLY make it to the second chapter!

The Vampire had a confused look on his face as he looked at his co-worker "Iz something wrong?"

"Look Medic" The Wizard cleared his throat "As… amazing as the disruptor is and I'm surprised I haven't thought about it, there are other things we should be worrying about."

"Making unlimited Ammo? Upgrading ze ubercharge? Walkie talkies? Getting the Administrator to give us longer breaks and vacations?"

"NO! Well… yeah that to… but, Medic, we have BIGGER issues on our hands, look at us! Look at the team! Some of us can't walk, some of us are dead and I don't even KNOW what some of us are! It's like you're… OBLIVIOUS to… ANY of this!"

The Medic gave him a stare "Vell of course I'm worried about all of zis!"

"Then why aren't we doin' anything about this!"

"Because vat CAN ve do!?"

That was a question Engineer hadn't actually thought of, this entire time he'd been reading through that book to see if he could find anything that could be useful, maybe one of them could be used as a tracking device to find Merasmus? It was a stretch but… in reality it didn't seem like ANY of them could do anything… "Well… we could start by… uhh…"

"Exactly… ve can't do anything… at least not yet." Medic replied "So ve should just focus on our job for now… help me set zese up vill j'ou?"

Engineer groaned as he grabbed the small device and followed Medic to the door with an annoyed face.

After they had left, Engineer felt like there was more than just him and Medic in the Lab, it just felt. You know. Off? Little did the two men know something… or someone… was sneaking around, completely invisible. A smirk grew on the man's face as he secretly followed the two close behind.

"They down on the floor?"

"Yep."

"Alright, but wouldn't it be smarter to put it above the door frame?"

"No 'cause Heavy may knock one or both down."

"Ok but what if somebody kicks one?"

"Who kicks a corner?"

The two kept rambling on about the device. It was pointless but you know there has to be some sort of filler so the Author can somehow manage to find a convenient way to progress the plot, but hey whatever.

The invisible person just kept staring at them and the devices, he had successfully managed to sneak inside, but it didn't look like he was getting back out quite yet. He'd find a way… but it didn't quite seem like these two had anything of interest… at least not right at this moment. He had just left the two to ramble on about whatever… and he snuck into the room with the 6 sleeping they were… his main targets.

The hand on Pyro's face had long gone… but now it had gone back to its RIGHTful arm and was reassembling itself back into Soldier's body. Now all it needed was it's head. As if it we're alive, Soldier's hands grabbed the sleeping head and dragged Demo along with it. With his parts finally being pulled back together, Jane Doe slowly began to wake up, not feeling cold hands or arms wrapped around his head, or the drool dripping on his face… ok his nervous system wasn't working so of course he didn't feel anything. Except for the weird feeling he was being watched. But being the oblivious fucking idiot he is, he brushed it aside and busted out "RISE AND SHINE MAGGOTS! TODAY MAY BE YOUR DAY OFF BUT GOD DAMN IT YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING MORE THAN 8 HOURS!"

All of the men sat up still clad in their pajamas (minus two.). Angrily rubbing their eyes and yawning to the sound of Soldier's screeching.

"NOW WHERE IS THAT CYCLOPS!?" He shouted once again.

The werewolf sat up with his legs crossed and his hat laying on the arm of the couch "He's on ya bloody head ya fuckin' idiot." he sneered as he pointed.

The Zombie removed his head from his neck, resulting in him seeing Demo's translucent legs "HEY! WHEN I SAID YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING MORE THAN 8 HOURS I WAS TALKING TO EVERYBODY!"

The American was then waving his hand through his best friend until he jolted awake. "BAH!" The Scottish drunk shouted as he floated away "Wha' in the fuck do yeh think yer doin'!?"

The American was about to say something when they both heard a bit of laughing. Resulting in one of them demanding it to stop. To his dismay it didn't. The crew just kept on bugging him with their laughter. No matter how many times he told them, the group of paranormal men wouldn't listen. But who could blame them, it's kinda fun to rile your friend up… for a bit that is.

Soldier just groaned as his slightly decaying face turned a bit red from embarrassment.

The invisible person just watched in the far off corner, like a predator waiting for its prey. what, when, and where would be the best opportunity to strike? Needless to say, he knew he had the team on edge a bit, but he couldn't risk being seen.

The rest of the team eventually left back to their rooms… except for three. The Werewolf, the Merman, and the… what ever the fuck Pyro was. Soon he'd get his victims. Strike 'em by surprise he always says. When is he ever wrong?

The three men yawned a bit, Sniper with a morning cup of coffee, Scout tossing a can of Bonk in the air, and Pyro happily watching the movie playing on the TV nudging the Assassin and Speed Demon at their favorite parts, a Rerun of Ghost Buster's right? Sniper didn't care for the film but the other two enjoyed it, and they had previously both planned to go see the second movie once it came out, but they hadn't done that because of the whole monster fiasco and previously, their schedules.

"Are you the key master?" The lady on the screen asked seductively.

"No but he's the master of SOMETHING, it's just not keys." Sniper commented, letting out a snicker. Before he could say anything else Pyro put their finger up to their mask and gave the man a muffled 'SHHH!' before returning back to the movie.

Scout had stayed quiet and sipped his can of Bonk, his fin was flapping on the water inside the basin a bit as if it couldn't stay still… wait. He watched the movie with a cocky smile on his face as Pyro pulled him and Sniper closer to them.

The pyromaniac sat with a bowl of Mann. Co branded cereal with their mask above their mouth, they were comfortable doing so, since they were around people they could trust and considered friends. Though they did intend on showing the other men their face, they just weren't going to do it right now.

Sniper cleared his throat "So, mates, I never really got to ask you about this whole… Monster Mash… thing… how are all you handlin' this?" Sniper wasn't very happy about becoming a… you know what, every full moon.

Pyro just shrugged, they didn't know what they were, all they knew was that they could set themself on fire, but that was about it. They were completely clueless about themself, it was a bit terrifying not knowing what they could do.

"I mean. It's cool I can't drown and that I don't need to wear a shirt." Scout chuckled a bit "But that's the only thing that I think is cool about this entire thing. Everything else isn't as cool, like seriously. Try losing your LEGS for a useless as hell tail, and needing to always be in water, if just ONE little finger isn't in water, YOU'RE DONE FOR!" He over exaggerated.

This lead Sniper to scoff "Sure mate. Absolutely done for." the Australian rolled his eyes as he rested his sunglasses on top of his hat. "Say, tell me why you fish people don't need shirts?"

Pyro snapped their gaze from the TV and onto their co-worker, curious as to his reasoning, pausing the film in the process.

"Pshhh, you've seen the movies, they don't wear shit." Scout scoffed

"Is it to not get in the way of these li'l buggers?" The assassin asked as he pointed at the 3 slits on the runner's side. This caused the scaled Ass hole to shrug.

Out of curiosity, the pyromaniac poked one of the gills on Scout's other side. As a result, they made the man flinch and slapped his hand away "Don't touch me chuckle nuts" the young adult grunted.

Just to be an asshole, Sniper smirked as he poked another gill, making Scout jump. The assassin chuckled at his reaction.

"Seriously cut it out! These things ain't for touching!" Scout crossed his arms and pouted as if he were a young child.

The assassin just kept chuckling, he tried to hold it back but completely failed.

Pyro just watched and let out a small giggle themself. Very tempted to poke Scout once again, so they did.

This went on for a few minutes, there were threats of bites, poking, and stealing all the meat from the fridge again.

"UGH!" Scout groaned, his face was red at this point "That's it, I'm getting a shirt."

"'Bout time" Sniper laughed

"Hudda, Hudda?" Pyro asked

The runner looked at his friend with an irritated look "I'll crawl." he answered

And that's what he did, he slid off the couch and dragged himself over to his room.

The assassin turned to Pyro "Lad's not gonna last long is he?"

Pyro shook their head, they both knew Scout was stubborn, but hopefully he could last until he got back. Though he'd probably

That was when they heard a bone chilling scream. The two got up from the couch, grabbed a pistol, and ran into the hallway to find their co-worker caught in a fishing net and wearing a shirt.

"Oh hey!" Scout said a bit shaken up, trying to bite his way through the rope "You heard my cry for help!"

"Hud hud hud hudda hudda?" Pyro asked

"I SAID my cry for HELP!"

Sniper held his pistol out as he looked around "Geeze Louise lad, how'd ya end up in there?"

"I don't-"

Scout couldn't finish his sentence as he was quickly interrupted by the invisible man. Who quickly made himself visible "Quite the catch isn't it? It is I! MERASMUS!"

The 3 monsters looked at the Wizard with faces of surprise, how'd he get in here!?

Pyro gasped "Huddahud!?"

"What the-!? Merasmus!? How the bloody hell did YOU get in here!?" Sniper shouted as he aimed the pistol at the magical man. "And what the fuck do ya want with this pain in the ass?"

Scout continued to try and gnaw away at the thick rope "Yeah what do ya- wait hold the fuck up what the fuck did you just fucking call me?"

The wizard quickly cleared his throat "'K one, I got in through the front door, and two, I heard the BLU's were sayin' something about monsters in your base so thought it was the perfect opportunity to get in here and mess around! Also I heard mermaid meat gives immortality somewhere online."

Sniper and Pyro looked at Merasmus as if he had three heads. Immortality? What? Wasn't he already immortal!?

Then the assassin had an idea, it was stupid, but it was so stupid it just might work "Wait did you say mermaid meat gives you immortality?" he asked

"Snipes what the hell are you doing?" Scout whispered.

"I'm saving your ass!" Sniper whispered back

Hale nodded at his question "Yes what about it?" the man was curious about where this was going. So were the other two.

"Well, Scout's, he's a merMAN and, uhhhh, and-!" Sniper explained. Dear… whatever Gods exist please let this work

"Annnnnnd?"

"And uhhh, that means he… won't give you immortality?"

Flawless logic. 10/10. Sniper mentally face palmed at his stupid logic. But it seemed like Merasmus was convinced, he is all magic and little brain after all. For a Wizard it wasn't hard to trick him.

"Eh. I suppose that makes sense." the wizard shrugged.

Eventually the net had finally ripped, causing Scout to fall into Pyro's arms. Unharmed. Damn it, Snipes would have paid to see that.

The runner crossed his arms "This means absolutely nothing Fanfiction writers."

"Huuuuuuuda hud." the pyromaniac chuckled, holding onto their friend. "hud hudda huddahud?"

The assassin kept his aim on the man holding onto the now torn net, ready to fire if need be. It wouldn't be hard to hit him, everybody knew it, they didn't call Mundy 'The Sniper' for nothing after all "So, what's your plan ya wanker?!"

"Simple really, I just wanted to say that there is NO WAY you can turn back into humans now! Do you want to know WHY!?" Merasmus asked.

"Is it because ya tore out the pages in the book?"

"IT'S BECAUSE I TORE OUT THE PAGES IN THE- Wait what did you just say?"

Scout scoffed and muttered something under his breath then shouted "We KNOW Jackass." he continued to be carried by Pyro and had his arms wrapped around his neck.

The wizard didn't know what to say. Well, there goes his plan to cause the 9 men misery. "O-oh… uhhh. Well then. There goes my plans." then he came up with an idea "BUT! I STILL HAVE THE PAGES! THEY'RE HIDDEN IN A PLACE NOT EVEN YOU WOULD THINK OF! INFACT, I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHERE THEY ARE!"

The three used to be humans just looked at each other with unamused faces.

"You can't remember?" Sniper asked. "I'm pretty sure that's a lie."

The wizard cursed "DAMN IT! I should have known you aren't as stupid as Jane." Merasmus shook his fist, but cleared his throat "But. Do you want to know where it is?"

"I feel like I'd be a stupid fuckin' idiot if I said no."

"IT HAS BEEN SHREDDED!"

Sniper's eye twitched "Ex-excuse me…?"

Scout gawked "Shredded!?"

"Hudda!?" Pyro gasped

"Shredded! Absolutely DEMOLISHED!" The wizard began to laugh.

Pyro and Scout looked at Merasmus, at each other, and then at Sniper. Who was oddly quiet, and taking this very well… or at least, that's what it appeared to be at first. The two heard a low growl. The pyromaniac held onto the man in their arms tightly, as if they knew what was going to happen next. With in a few seconds the assassin had fallen to his knees clutching his stomach. Pyro covered their eyes and covered Scout's also, despite his protests.

They heard the sound of ripping, and deep menacing growling, bones breaking and possibly rearranging themselves, grunts and scratches filled the air, needless to say the Merman wasn't protesting anymore. Once Pyro uncovered both of their eyes. The… thing was back. Pyro fell to the ground, back against the wall, clutching onto the older and taller man in his arms. In Sniper's place was that Coyote from before, which proved Pyro's suspicion and fears.

"Holy shit." Scout said under his breath "Is… is that?"

The gilled man couldn't find the strength to finish his sentence as they both watched the Coyote give chase after the wizard. They watched as they ran down the hall, and the remaining mercenaries gave chase. They ran through the kitchen with some other co-workers there and they watched them all run. Merasmus had turned invisible again thanks to the 'Invisibility thingy' he had stolen from a BLU spy.

"What in tarnation?" the engineer blurted out.

The wizard quickly started shooting something out of his hands, aiming for the monster chasing him. The pyromaniac ran as quickly as they could. They weren't going to let that stupid old wizard try to hurt his friend and get away with it. With each passing second the Merman in Pyro's arms felt him get warmer, if he was feeling warmth through their flame resistant suit, this couldn't be good. Scout soon felt like a heat wave had hit him and he smelled smoke. He didn't like where this was going.

Merasmus was so close to the main entrance, he fired one last time at the animal chasing behind him and finally hit the Coyote. Though the 'Invisibility thingy' began to malfunction once he stepped through the door, triggering the alarms.

The pyromaniac had finally had enough, they were enraged, fire began to melt their suit apart as they gave chase and accidentally dropped Scout by the doorway, right on top of a now normal and shirtless sniper (he was still wearing his vest though). Pyro ran at incredible speeds leaving a trail of fire behind them, their body engulfed with flames, from head to toe. Just as they were about to catch the Wizard who cursed them, he was hit by another blast of magic and was sent flying back into the base. Their body now extinguished, the flames had disappeared.

Medic and Engineer ran as quickly as they could to the front entrance, only to find a shirtless unconscious Sniper. A slightly burned and tired Scout with his head laying on Sniper's chest, without the strength to move. And… a bright blonde young adult lying unconscious, various burn scars covered almost half of their face and some of their left arm and the left side of their neck.

"Oh… my god." Engineer gasped

The Vampire made a face of disbelief "VAT IN ZE HELL HAPPENED!? AND WHO IZ ZAT!?"

* * *

**Hey guys I'm ABSOLUTELY sorry for not updating sooner, I was spending time with my family and having a good ol' summer. School is starting up soon but I'll try to update as much as I can!**


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